Upon Vestia: Chapter Six

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Matt nodded and helped Thalia out into the hall, giving Merith a wide berth. No way was he trusting that guy.

Vestia was too surprised to respond for a moment, then she replied dryly, "Yes, probably. What can I do for you?"

Kay shrugged. [It doesn't feel right asking you for advice to be honest, but you are the best... person? to have a well rounded view. I'm sure you already know exactly what's going on. I'm terrified.] He confessed.

Vestia laughed softly. "I have a general idea. I know you have reasons to not want to risk a relationship, and I'm pretty sure you kind of want to try anyway. And I know that whatever you decide, Asher will respect your choice because he's silly that way." She snorted. "It's really hard to watch you two, I hope you realize that."

Kay smiled softly and nodded. [You weren't exactly subtle in your frustration. ] He frowned, of course Asher would respect any decision he made, because Asher was ridiculously kind and gentle and damn NICE. Eugh. Curse him. [I just... need some reassurance that I can't hurt him. But I can't convince myself I won't find some way to do so, despite my best intentions. Either I reject him now, and make this all so much harder for both of us, or I do something stupid later on. Is it better to try to control the damage immediately, or take a gamble and hope like hell everything will be okay? ] He looked pained.

The shadows moved as Corvus annoyingly appeared, "Kay...for the love of all creation just KISS THE DAMN GUY. There enough romance drama as there is!" He huffed with ruffle feathers, "Heny and Merith, Twat one and Two... The too young star dragon and the human... just stop drawing it out!"

"That's a hard question to answer," Vestia said. "Obviously there are ways you can hurt him. I'm basically just a giant pain magnet, and you're all along for the ride, after all, so no matter what choice you make, something will probably eventually happen to him.
"He's an adult. Ask him if he's okay with the risks, and make your choice accordingly."
"Get out, Corvus," she added grumpily.

Kay startled, and stared at Corvus. Why the hell was he here again? Why was everyone getting involved in his love life now? Heny had, the bird had... eugh.
But... he made a point. Drawing all this out wasn't helpful or good for either of their mental states. Eugh. He nodded slowly. Okay, fine.. but next time, can you at least knock before you barge into my room?

He nodded to Vestia and looked grateful. [Thank you.]

"Any time," Vestia said kindly.

"Knock?" Corvus ask as if that was a new idea to do, obviously that wasn't something he done in the pass. "Thank you.... perhaps the stress can go down here."

Yes, knock. We have doors for a reason. Kay snipped. Shouldn't you be looking after Heny anyway?

He snorted, annoyed, "Merith lead her off to meet with this creator...I was inform I wasn't 'allowed' to come." He huffed.

Ahh so you're bored and feeling left out. That explains a lot. He shook his head and turned to leave, adding Don't TOUCH anything okay?

"No...I don't trust the jackass." He retorted, ignoring the other comment.

Kay shook his head. He couldn't really blame Corvus, but honestly right now he didn't feel like counseling the guy. I don't think anyone does right now. He replied, and left the room.

Vestia watched Kay with curiosity, deciding to leave Kay to his thoughts unless he asked for more advice. Being a smartship was all about knowing when to shut up, after all.

Kay just kinda wandered about for a bit, thinking through his options.

What did he WANT?
well, that much was obvious, clearly to everyone on this ship... but was it worth the risk?
Argh, he didn't want to make that call. He'd only pick wrong.

But what if it wasn't so terrible? what if this was actually a chance for something good? Was he letting his fear sabotage a chance at something that might actually be happy and healthy and fine?

But he's a robot... who has a relationship with a robot?
Kay frowned, did that matter? was it so different to hooking up with an immortal or a shapeshifter or whatever? Asher was a person, not an object, not a tool, he had genuine thoughts and feelings and sure they were part of his coding but who was to say the organic brain wasn't also just responding to some sort of coding?
no, Asher being an android wasn't the problem here, Kay knew he was just making excuses. Him being an android had never mattered and never would.

But it wasn't supposed to get this complicated. Asher was never supposed to reciprocate these feelings, even though secretly Kay had always hoped maybe he would he'd convinced himself it was utterly impossible, and thus it was fine to open up a little and let himself get emotionally attached.
Now though, well, he was in too deep. There was no shutting up this big box of feelings and emotions and wants. No going back to "just friends".

He wondered if Asher was feeling this confused and conflicted right now too, or if his explanation had chased him off.

So what do you want to do? He asked himself. wave a wand and turn back the clock... But there was no doing that now, all they could do was move forward. What do you WANT?.. I want him. He closed his eyes, he could feel that fear rising up again. What was the worst that could happen? oh he had a long list. but maybe it was time to try again, maybe enough time had passed, maybe it was okay.

He pictured that military brat he'd dated, Gierr... his stupid smirk and the way his eyes had sparkled when he'd talk. "Sometimes thinking is too much effort. Less thinking, just DO okay? Just let go, shut your brain up and go for it Kaylr." Kay smiled, remembering how many excuses he'd made back then too. Gierr never let him get away with it, he'd keep telling him "you think too much" and "you'll never get anywhere if you don't stop making endless excuses for why you CAN'T".
Maybe he should actually listen for once.

He took a deep breath. Right, no more thinking. No more excuses.

[Vestia? Where is Asher?]

"Wiring cameras in for me on Deck 21. Currently in room 5," Vestia said.

Kay nodded, and almost decided against bothering the android. But he had to right? He had to sort this out. He could decide what he was going to say on the way.

He headed to deck 21

"He wires in cameras a lot, the silly robot. Don't worry, he'll be happy to have a visitor, I'm sure,," Vestia said, hoping her voice conveyed how much she wanted to roll her eyes right now.

Kay frowned at Vestia, he wasn't totally convinced how happy Asher would be to see him, but the ship did seem to be trying to help.

He reached floor 21 and still hadn't decided what he was going to say, he was too busy fretting. Just telling himself to stop thinking wasn't working.

"I knew I should have gotten that degree in psychology, instead of astrophysics," Vestia muttered from a speaker near Kay. "Relax, seriously. Just ask him if he's okay with the risks, and then figure out what to say from there. Then you can both go cry about your broken hearts or whatever afterwards."

She was right of course, about all of it. But did she have to be so smarmy about it?

[This ship desperately needs a Councillor, but I don't think they could take all the crazy.] He smiled softly.

"Probably not," Vestia chuckled.

Kay closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to push the fear deep deep down, you've done far scarier things than this you idiot, you worked on the frontier, you've been court marshaled, you've been kidnapped and attacked countless times. You can tell someone how you feel about them damnit!

He found Asher.

Asher looked around at the sound of someone entering the room, guessing almost immediately who it must be. He nervously tried to guess why Kay was here, hoping to figure something out from his expression, but had no success. "Kay, what brings you out here?" he asked, worried, but doing his best to hide it.

Kay looked nervous as he wrote [I thought i'd think of what to say on the way here but now i'm here and I have no epic speech or any sort of plan. But... We need to talk about this. ]

"I suppose we should," Asher agreed. He eyed Vestia's freshly installed audio and visual feeds for a moment, and casually disconnected the wires again. Sorry, Vestia, I hope you understand. We need to talk in private.
He returned his full attention to Kay. "I know I made things very complicated for us both this morning, and I'm sorry. I should have kept my thoughts to myself, and prevented all this from happening."