Upon Vestia: Chapter Nineteen

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(Day 11 I think)

Kay looked pained. He hated what his mirror self had been, the idea he could ever be that level of monster was just horrific.
He looked up at Ethan, tears welling in his eyes, nodded and stepped away from him.

[I'm so sorry.] He managed to write, stepping sort of sideways and backwards to get around Ethan without turning his back. He wasn't sure why, it just didn't feel right to turn his back on him.
Thing was, the fear on Ethan's face was actually pulling Kay out of his rage at the universe and throwing him more into a state of self loathing and disgust. His anger turned inward, and he continued to back away, nodding his head over and over in an apologetic gesture.

No, he wasn't Kaylr, but that didn't mean his anger didn't sometimes scare him too. Seeing the man who looked so much like the man he loved look at him with such fear and disgust was almost too much to bear.

Once he'd put enough distance between himself and Ethan, he turned and hurried down the hallway toward his room, hoping nobody else would get in his way. He was in no state to deal with anyone else right now.

Kooshie wrote:Ethan stayed very still and focused as hard as he could on the tablet in Kay's hands, because it was something he didn't associate with Kaylr. Besides which, it was the most likely thing Kay would hit him in the face with when--if--he lost his temper.

This hall wasn't super narrow, but it sure felt narrow right now. Ethan liked a good ten feet of space between him and Kay at all times. "Hurry up, would you?" he told Kay in the least panicked tone he could manage. This proximity was not at all okay on the best of days, and it was really stressful right now.

~~
"Not long enough," Ellie said. Even though she'd probably only live eighty or ninety, the babies should be babies foreverrrr.

Starr smiled softly and shook her head. "They will stay as young as we can keep them for as long as we can."

"Good," Ellie said. "They're just so perfect this way!"

~~

Ethan nodded stiffly, and stayed where he was until Kay was safely out of sight. Once Kay was gone, he headed for the nearest teleporter, trying to keep an iron grip on the memories and emotions that were surging through his processes. He kept himself together as he punched in a number at random and was beamed up to floor thirty-six, and held onto his self control as he hurried down the hall, looking for somewhere to hide. He found a room and headed in, locking and dead bolting the door, then leaning his back against it as if his weight would be enough to keep all the horrors from following him into this room.

It wasn’t enough. How could it ever be enough, when Kaylr was already in the room with him? Ethan could still hear Kaylr’s voice in his mind, humming a merry tune, or snarling with pure fury. He could remember the little things Kaylr had done to manipulate him and Dr. Heinz, the way he had played them against each other so that they had hated each other. He remembered the torture especially, and all the reasons Kaylr had given him for why he deserved it. Every moment of those four years was permanently etched into his memory, in perfect photographic detail. Kaylr lived on in Ethan’s mind, and Ethan knew that short of death or erasure of his own entire identity, he’d never, ever be free of that.

He slid to the floor, shuddering. Kay had been terrifying to see today, and he’d had a horrible feeling that the guy was going to turn on him right then and there. But just as terrifying had been his own reaction. He could have frozen up completely or he could have attacked Kay and possibly even killed him. It was a reminder of just how well Kaylr still controlled him. Did Kay deserve to be feared like this? No, he hadn’t done anything to deserve that yet, and it was just inconvenient and overly stressful for them both. And if Ethan ever actually attacked Kay, Ethan was going to be executed. Plenty of people had made it very, very clear how important it was that he not make a single mistake, and he had almost done just that today.

Ethan tried to force down his thoughts. But he couldn’t. The memories he had been trying to push down for weeks echoed in his mind, unstoppable and as relentless as Kaylr had been himself. Kaylr was still controlling his actions, not with words any more, but with overwhelming, awful memories. Death hadn’t weakened his grip at all, it had just made him that much more clever at sneaking his way into Ethan’s mind.

Ethan buried his face in his arms and let the disgust at how helpless he still was consume him.

Kay got to his room, slid the door shut and locked it, letting out a breath of relief as he was finally alone and safe.
He couldn't hurt anyone if he didn't see anyone, this was good.
He set his tablet down on the bedside table along with everything else on his belt and went to the bathroom to splash water on his face and glare at himself in the mirror.

You aren't a monster He told his reflection So stop acting like it.

Starr smiled again and nodded, watching the three kids play together.

Eventually Asher couldn't be patient any longer and asked, "Has Kay returned yet?"

"Yes," Vestia answered.

Asher frowned at the nearest camera. "Is he all right?"

Vestia hesitated. "Well the moon's obviously messed with him and he's in an awful emotional state. I'm not sure you should go see him though, he and Ethan had a bit of an encounter."

"What happened?" Asher said quietly. If Ethan had hurt one hair on Kay's head...

"They met in a hallway. Ethan froze up because Kay frankly looks pretty scary right now. Kay got annoyed, but kept himself together. Ethan got dangerously panicky when he tried to let Kay go past him in the hall. They almost got in a fight but they both controlled themselves surprisingly well, given the situation," Vestia said. "You can't blame either of them for what happened."

Asher sighed, then nodded. "All right. Do you think I should go talk to Ethan?"

Vestia considered that. "I'm not sure you're the right guy to talk to him right now."

"Okay. Keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't do anything dangerous," Asher said softly. He put away a last piece of paper and headed for the door. "Even if it's risky, I have to check on Kay."

"Good luck," Vestia said, reassuring as always. "He's in his room."

Asher smiled weakly and headed that way.

Kay had settled on his bed and was trying to focus on a game of soduku to clear his head. Out of the control of the moon he'd slowly calm down but he was still pretty worked up for multitude other reasons. Focusing on putting nice simple numbers into their correct boxes seemed like a good way to distract him from his stress and misery.

Asher knew there was a seventy-five percent chance he was going to make things worse by bothering Kay. But he was worried, and he needed to check on Kay just in case he could actually help. He could always leave him alone if needed, anyway.

He knocked lightly on the door, and called softly, "Kay? It's Asher." Hopefully that would make it clear that no, he wasn't Ethan coming back to bother Kay for some reason.

Kay glanced up, wincing a little.
He sat for a moment or two, trying to decide if he could face Asher or not before setting the tablet down on the bed and padding over to unlock the door.

"Hey there," Asher said when Kay opened the door, "I just wanted to stop by since you were back. I can come back later if you prefer." Kay really did look pretty awful right now, Esk's condition, the full moon, and that encounter with Ethan must have really done a number on the poor guy. What terrible timing.

Kay flung his arms around Asher and buried his head in his shoulder, tense and upset, he didn't seem overly keen to let go.

Asher was taken a bit by surprise, but he hugged Kay tightly back and did his best to be comforting. Yeah, Kay was having a miserable day. Asher had never hated full moons before he'd met Kay, but now he did, because they caused Kay so much distress. It was so unfair to the guy.

It would take several minutes before Kay relaxed and pulled away, going back to pick up his tablet and exit the game.
[Esk's stable, they think once he wakes up he should be able to heal himself. Dawn and Matt are staying with him. Danika's with Starr. ] He frowned, trying to think of what else he needed to explain. [I scared Ethan.] He looked guilty and lowered his head. [And had an argument with the Stormhowl.] that though he still felt was justified, they WERE being selfish and irresponsible. He bit his lip and shook his head, looking overwhelmed. [I think I scared Danika as well. She shouldn't see me like this.]

Asher followed Kay into his room and closed the door. He assumed Kay didn't want random passers by barging into the conversation in his current emotional state. "At least Esk is in good hands," he said. "Vestia told me a bit about what happened with Ethan." He frowned a bit at the news about the Stormhowl and Danika, that was unfortunate. "The Stormhowl can be worried about later, if at all. You said Starr is with Danika? Danika should be all right then. Once the full moon wears off, you can check on her."

Kay nodded, he looked guilty. [She's too young to understand. ] He exhaled deeply, sitting cross legged on the bed. [And the sooner Esk is back here the better. They have necromancers wandering around trying to get near him, I don't trust their motives. ] Yes, he was a protective big brother okay? He also didn't trust the guild themselves to keep anyone safe, they certainly didn't seem to be trying overly hard. He grit his teeth, he was getting annoyed again.
He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. [Ethan didn't need to see me like that. We got lucky and both managed to avoid escalating things but it very easily could have been much worse. ] He shook his head. [It's not his fault. He has every reason to fear me, especially when im in this sort of state. ] He shuddered, he hated this.

"Necromancers?" Asher shook his head, this Guild really was something else, wasn't it? "Matt and Dawn will keep them away, I'm sure."
Asher sighed, looking at the tablet screen, then back at Kay. "It was unfortunate what happened with Ethan. Neither of you was in full control of your emotions there, and neither of you would have gone into that situation in the first place, had you known it was going to happen. It was just a really unpleasant coincidence that you ran into each other today." He added softly, "Again, it's a situation that can be better handled once the full moon is gone. Vestia's keeping an eye on Ethan, she'll make sure he's all right."

Kay nodded, he still looked guilty. [Every time he looks at me he sees a monster, that's hard for both of us. ] He flinched at the memory of Ethan's terrified face. [I think I should lay low for the day. Even without the moon's effect on me i'm not feeling very stable. I'm worried about my brother, about tonight. Everything.] He hoped they got news soon that Esk had woken up and was himself, he had a head injury, just saying someone would live wasn't totally reassuring to Kay.

Asher nodded. "I know. It's a painful situation to be in, and it's probably never going to resolve completely." Kay and Ethan had both experienced so much horror during their time with Kaylr, and with that man so clear in both their memories, moving on would be difficult or impossible. "Yes, take the rest of the day off. I'll take care of any medical situations."

Kay nodded solemnly. [Warn those who decide to go to this festival tonight, the Stormhowl will be there. Take precautions. Maybe nothing will happen, but all it takes is one of them losing their temper and a lot of people could be seriously hurt. I would like to believe the guild have safety measures in place but we've already witnessed their security failing. ] He shook his head, looking grim. [Don't let the children go, the others can make their own minds up but please Asher, don't let the children go. ] He did look genuinely worried.

Asher nodded. "I'll tell Vestia. She'll make sure everyone knows." He reached out to put his hand on Kay's shoulder. "Anyone from this ship who goes will know the risks. I'll do my best to make sure the children are all kept here."

Kay nodded gratefully, reaching up to touch the hand on his shoulder tenderly.

Asher smiled softly at Kay. "I'll go take care of everything," he said, "So Vestia knows the situation and can tell everyone else. Is there anything else I should do? Anything you want me to get for you?"

Kay considered that carefully, letting go of Asher's hand as he wrote. [I'll probably need to eat at some point.] He considered that. yeah probably better to avoid public areas for the time being.
[Maybe let everyone who might care about Esk, let them know he's stable and pass on any news as it comes? Tell Starr i'm sorry for being rude and I don't know, Make sure Danika knows it's not her fault. ] He shook his head. Damn, that felt like a lot of stuff. He looked apologetically to Asher. [I'm sorry, making you run around like this isn't fair.]

Asher nodded. "All right, that sounds like a good idea. I'll check in with Luka and James and make sure they know Esk is okay, and find Starr and Danika." He smiled a bit, "And arrange for one of Vestia's bots to bring you some food."
His gaze softened at Kay's apology. "Kay, it's fine. I'll be back later to check in on you, okay?"

Kay nodded, he looked miserable. [Thank you Asher.] He knew he wouldn't be able to get through this without the guy.

Asher didn't really want to leave Kay right now, but after a moment he turned and headed out the door. He had a few things to take care of, and the sooner he got them done, the sooner he could go back. Once he was out in the hall, he looked to one of Vestia's cameras. "Vestia, can you warn everyone that if they're planning to go to the festival, they should know that there are going to be lycanthropes there? Also recommend to anyone with children that the children should stay here on the ship for their safety."

"Sure thing," Vestia said. She'd relay the message to pretty much everyone.

"Thank you," Asher said, smiling gratefully. "Oh, and could you please get one of your bots to bring Kay some food?"

"Sure thing," Vestia said agreeably. "Anything else I can do for you?"

"Can you tell me where Luka and James are?"

Vestia told him.

"Remind me to do something nice for you," Asher told the ship.

Vestia chuckled. "Roger that."

Asher headed off to find Luka.

Luka was dozing on her bed, she'd exhausted herself crying and fallen into a light sleep with James sitting beside her. oops?