Good Cop Bad Cop: Chapter Two

Dear Asher,

To reply to your list:

1:You may be awful at playing bad cop, but i'm no better at playing good cop. It astounds me how you can have such patience for such levels of idiocy, truly I admire that about you.

2: I'm not about to get jealous of a computer generated image of a man who's been dead for hundreds of years. Even if he is kinda cute.
I didn't write that.

3: I'm also terrible at this writing thing. Who's idea was this anyway?! Unfortunately most of my autobiographical stories end with someone getting hurt, i'm nowhere near as heroic and able to wrestle minotaurs i'm afraid.

But, struggling for anything better, I shall tell you the story of how Matt lost me in a game of poker.

Yes, this really did happen.
I know we make jokes about the stupid nonsense Matt gets involved in, but the majority of it is true. He did nearly get eaten by a mantis woman, he did decide acid spitting dragons were hot and he did indeed, wager ME in a game of poker.
You're probably wondering why I continue to travel with him right? I ask myself that a lot, but truth is, if I left him alone he'd be dead or worse by now.

So, here goes.

Shortly after we left the Empire I learned a couple of things about what my dear brother had been doing while I was working. After getting himself banished by the Kevali he'd decided to wander around Imperium space generally making a nuisance of himself in any way he could. He's rather good at this.
Thing is, no matter how often he got arrested, he'd just shape space out of there and run.
I dread to think how many warrants are out for his arrest at this point.

Anyway,

He also developed a bit of a gambling addiction. Specifically card games, which my brother is very, very bad at.
You may have noticed he's not exactly good at lying.
He enjoyed poker, but he was extraordinarily bad at it. But the other players enjoyed taking him for everything he had, about the only reason many of them would tolerate a half alien coward at the table. He always had something worth money.

On the whole it wasn't a problem, until I turned up and we left Imperium space and all his creditors and all those outstanding warrants behind.
Sadly for me, Matt did not stop playing poker.

Out beyond the frontier though, things were a lot less civil.

Matt fell in with entirely the worst sort of people, well, that's not entirely true, later we'd discover the people they owed money to were even worse, but that's a depressing story and one i'll tell you some other day.

Anyway,

Long story short, Matt got himself into debt, a lot of debt, debt he couldn't talk himself out of.
So he challenged his debtors to a final game of poker, if he won, they'd cancel his debts. If he lost? He had nothing to value to put up, so a little drunk and a whole lot desperate, he wagered ME.

He didn't tell me this until later than night, when he came bursting into the room we were renting and told me we had to run.
Yes, he'd lost. Of course he'd lost, I don't think he's ever won a game of poker in his life!

We of course fled, well, he fled, I followed him demanding to know what he'd done this time.
He finally came clean at around about the same point as some hired goons with guns turned up to collect what he owed.

And so I spent that evening actually in rather pleasant surroundings being chatted to by the matriarch of the local mob. A lovely if not slightly terrifying woman, she had a medical issue that needed looking at. As it turned out, my brother had not only rather oversold my abilities, she was also a little desperate as the local medics were too afraid of her and her goons to be honest with her. When he'd said he had a medic to wager, her boys had jumped at the chance. It was the only reason they'd accepted Matt's deal.

Thankfully I am very good at bluffing, and I did actually pay attention in medical school.

I won't divulge the issue, patient confidentiality and all, but let's just say she appreciated my lack of concern for her ego.

She let me go the following morning after a very pleasant breakfast.  

I found Matt in the local hospital, he'd tried to launch a rescue mission and gotten himself shot trespassing. Don't worry, it was only his shoulder and he did rather deserve it.

We left that afternoon. I got my own back by taking on all of Matt's medical care, no, I didn't have much sympathy.

So that is how Matt lost me in a game of poker and how I earned the favor of the Persico Crime Family.
It's also how I learned that one should never, ever, leave Matt on his own for an extended period of time and to definitely NOT let him play poker.

Dear Kay,

1. You raise a valid point. We're both spectacularly awful at each other's jobs, because we developed very different ways to deal with idiocy. That is, I tolerate the idiots until they get bored of being dumb, and you scare them until they run away! At least we're both good at what we do!
2. If we both thought he was cute, we'd both have to be jealous because he's still charismatic enough to attract people seven centuries after his death. Thankfully neither of us think he's cute, so no jealousy is required here. Alternately we could have watched more movies of him and reveled in his cuteness together.
3. Totally not my idea to write stories, nope. I'm blaming you for this. (Why are you giving me that look? I'm innocent, I swear!)

Wow, that's quite the story. Matt really does have a knack for getting into terrible situations, doesn't he? At least you made a new friend, albeit a bit of a scary one.

Ethan's glaring at me. I think he's annoyed by the sound of me typing because it's distracting him from his book. I'm surprised he hasn't asked Vestia to make him librarian yet, he certainly has the perfect personality for the job!
Oh, he just shushed me. What a tyrant! I wasn't typing that loudly.

Type louder just to spite him, what's he gonna do? Glare? Shush you louder? Chase you out brandishing a heavy encyclopedia? He should be grateful you're just typing loudly and not stealing all his stationary. (you fiend)

We definitely should not watch more movies together, alone, without idiots making snide remarks. Ahem.
I'm not considering how to set up a projector in my room at all.

I don't dare type louder. He's too scary! I didn't know my face was capable of looking that scornful. Also what was that about the stationary? I only take as much as I need, and I usually return it! The pens all came back, didn't they?

That sounds like a terrible idea. Me, you, alone with a movie? No way that could go well.

He must be utterly terrifying, don't worry, i'll save you. You're right, the two of us alone watching explosions and shirtless men sounds like the worst thing ever.

Shirtless men! Nobody wants to watch those. I don't like men, do you? :)

You're going to save me? Well that's a relief. Ethan's scary.

Oh men are just awful right? Especially shirtless ones.

I'm sure he's absolutely terrifying. Be there soon.

They're the worst. I don't know why people make movies with them.