Upon Vestia: Chapter Thirty-Four

First topic message reminder :

"We could stay here and see if Vestia can start getting some movies on file for us." Shane said with a shrug.

Matt sighed and poured straight alchohol into the glass. "Shit man.. you went to all that work making outfits too.." Matt shook his head at Armin, feeling bad.

Armin hadn't thought about that, he shook his head. "Your comission is what led me to join your crew, but it is not why I have remained. I do not regret it in the least. If not for you and Thalia, I would not be here. I am grateful."

Matt snorted. "you're so fucking positive about everything."

Armin ducked his head. "I try... it is not always so easy my friend." he spoke quietly. "I find it easier to look on the bright side, to always retain hope. When one allows themselves to give up, that is when darkness creeps into their hearts."

Matt sighed. "I don't know what to do." He admitted, wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

"No one does, that is why all advice boils down to focus on the future and take one day at a time. Grief is different for everyone and how you handle it is different too.  Some choose self destruction, others try to cover up the pain though that just makes it fester. Others find little things to live for like mile posts on a road. Others put their pain into work, like Kay does. There is no perfect answer, you must find what works for you and simply not give up even though it hurts." Starr said softly.

Matt shook his head. "I don't think I can do this.." He stared at his drink, not actually drinking it.

"My friend, you have a great deal to live for. Your brothers, your friends here, your daughter. She will need her father, I am certain of this." Armin spoke gently.

Matt closed his eyes. "She's lasted this long without me.. i'm a stranger to her. "

"then change that." Armin suggested.

"What if she blames me?"

"Then tell her you had no choice. It is the truth." Starr said gently.

"but I did... I threw Thalia onto that shuttle, I sent her away." Matt shook his head, so much regret right now, so much.

"You did that to keep her safe, even from herself. She couldn't use her magic to stay safe after all. The same reason I sent my kids away." Starr said. "The only difference is I can talk to mine directly now instead of using machines or waiting."

Matt looked pained, no amount of logic was going to make him not feel horribly guilty and regretful, was going to make him not wonder if maybe, just maybe, Thalia would still be here if he'd let her stay.

Starr came around to hug him gently again. "Remember what it was like when we sent them away. Or even the battle that sent us here to this time. They would not of been safe with us." The dragon kids here had barely been safe.

Matt nodded, tense and feeling awful. he wanted a distraction, desperately, but nothing seemed to be working. "How.. do you make it stop hurting." He asked desperately.

"Let it out, cry, scream, go to the sparring room and beat up the punching bag. There's lots of things a person can do." Starr said gently. "Remember that you have friends here that want to help you feel better."

"i'll just break something if I punch things." Matt mused, and he didn't really need more injuries. Maybe he should just go spend the next week at the bottom of a pool, not thinking. He sighed. "thanks... both of you.. for trying."

"Of course my friend." Armin bowed his head.

(Bumping this in case it got buried :) )

Kooshie wrote:"True enough. I just find it so funny." James liked creativity, it was totally something he admired. He got at his tablet to make sure they hadn't missed any messages. "Yeah, I guess he has. I should probably go back soon, check in on the patients, make sure he's not bullying Tori." He was pretty sure Tori would be on duty now. He hoped she was standing up for herself.

~~
Ellie and Shane probably hung out for a while with the goats. After that they'd probably go get some movies and see what Vestia had found. Yay movies.

~~
Ethan had left the observation deck and was in the library. The door to the library was open, he'd decided it was okay for people to come snoop if they wanted.

~~
Tobias and Carlos were cooking in the new kitchen for the fun of it.

Esk shrugged. "Funny? Just annoying." He looked around. "You really wanna go back and get glared at? " He snickered "well I mean to be fair, he can't lecture you so easy can he? If he tries to wave a huge rant in your face you can just walk away. That's helpful."

---

Jarral had found his way to the shopping section of the first class section and was poking around the empty stores curiously. This was all very odd. He noticed books, drawn to them like a moth to flames.
He headed into the library, the only store that didn't seem to be devoid of life or use.

"I guess your fellow cadets' antics are funnier to me because I never had to actually hear them. No doubt I wouldn't be laughing either if I'd been there too," James said with a laugh. "Yeah, sure. Being deaf to telepathy makes it easier to ignore Kay. And I mean, if he's being mean to Tori, then someone should tell him to cut it out."

~~
Ethan was gluing a book back together at the front desk. He saw someone come in and looked up, a little surprised to see it was Jarral. "I didn't know you were coming with us," he said. Having been pretty much avoiding people lately, Ethan had missed that memo.

Esk nodded. "Tell him to take a break, he'll LOVE that." He smirked. "and if he tries to pull rank, get Dawn to tell him to take a break."

---

Jarral nodded, the shadows pulling a little closer around him protectively. "The Star Marshall thought it was a good idea." He looked around at the books, running a hand gently across the spines thoughtfully. "You are the keeper of these books?" He asked.

James laughed. "Good idea. I'm sure he won't go ballistic about that at all." Maybe it was mean to try to rile up Kay, but James was still mad at the guy and he never had been a super mature person.

~~
Ethan nodded. "I guess that makes sense. Someone who knows this new era will probably be useful to have around." He watched Jarral inspect the books, "Yes, I'm the librarian here. I'm still moving the books in, there will be a few more soon."

Esk shrugged. "He can't be a dick to Dawn, she outranks him." Military terms, military attitude, probably not actually the case when it came to medics but Esk couldn't help but think like a soldier.

---

Jarral nodded, looking over at Ethan. "Yes, supposedly I am to answer questions, though thus far a great number have been tedious and inane. " He sighed. He didn't mention that he was fairly sure he was actually here to keep an eye on these people, it didn't seem worth mentioning. "They are damaged." He touched the slightly crumpled spine of a book on the shelf, his expression one of pity.

"He's a dick to everyone right now I think," James said. "When he gets in a snit, I don't think he's the sort of guy who cares much about rank. But we'll see. I'll text you if anything interesting goes down, sound good?"

~~
Ethan smiled oddly. "I'm sure the questions are important to them.People can have strange priorities."
He nodded, "The original library was largely destroyed in the battle. Not all the books could be saved, and many of the ones that could are damaged." He looked grim at the thought.

Esk nodded. "Yeah good luck. If he gets too much, a good reality check usually snaps him out of it."

---

Jarral nodded slowly, clearly more interested in the books than people. "that is unfortunate." He mused, looking to Ethan and the book he was repairing. "they matter to you." He observed. So many would just shrug and buy replacements, these were mostly just cheap paperbacks after all, but Jarral loved books, even cheap crappy books and his upbringing had made him extra careful and respectful of all written word. It was a difficult habit to get out of, even when you were no longer handling ancient one of a kind manuscripts. Still, it was unusual to meet another person with a similar attitude.

James nodded. "Let's hope. See ya later man, thanks for helping me annoy your bro." He'd head off, back toward the med bay.

~~
"Yes, they do. Not everyone gets access to this much information. It should be protected when possible," Ethan said. He considered the book his was gluing, then looked to Jarral again. "You're fond of books too, I take it."

Esk snickered "Yeah." Annoying Kay was one of his top things to do wasn't it? Plus it had killed some time. he looked around, hmm.. now to find something else to do.

----

Jarral nodded "I was a scribe." He traced the lines of swirling tattoos that ran down one side of his face. "I spent many years translating ancient texts, restoring scrolls, making new copies. Preserving the information and history within." He averted his gaze. "The written word is less tiresome than people." He admitted quietly.

James would head into the med bay.

Tori was probably there, doing work quietly and trying to stay out of Kay's way. She wasn't nearly as confrontational as James was.

~~
Ethan smiled lopsidedly. He knew what Jarral meant about people being tiring. "People are damn chaotic, nothing wrong with liking books better."
He looked slightly interested, "Now you're out here. Not a scribe any more, I take it." Not the Ishvara either, apparently. Well that probably meant Web was alive, which was nice. Ethan had kind of liked Web when they'd talked.

Kay hadn't been giving Tori shit thankfully, she actually did the work he demanded she did. He was being a dick though, demanding people do work rather than just asking nicely.
He glared when James came in.

[Stopped goofing off at last have you?]

---

Jarral shook his head and shoved the brand on the back of his hand. "I was outcast." He spoke flatly, matter-of-factly, surprisingly emotionless for something that had to have been extremely painful. "I work for the shadows now."

James went to lean against a desk, trying to look nonchalant. "You know, you seem really tense, man. Maybe Tori and I should take over for a while, and you should go unwind. Sound good?"

~~
Ethan blinked. Nope, he hadn't heard on anyone with an employment history like that before. "Shadows need a scribe?"

Kay narrowed his eyes, he didn't trust James. [You're planning something.]

---

Jarral shook his head. "No, they required an emisary. One to speak for them, to.. translate. I represent them to our Lord, in turn they protect me. It is an agreeable arrangement."

"Not really. Go, shoo, try to find your inner calm or whatever," James said, still trying to look nonchalant. "Seriously, how many hours have you worked this week? Too many, I'm guessing."

~~
"I see," Ethan said, although he didn't really. "Well I guess it beats living in gloomy caves at least." He eyed the shadows, not totally sure they wouldn't see him as a threat or something.

Kay looked extra suspicious. [What about the patients?]

----

Jarral shrugged. "I never minded the caves." He told him. When it was all you had ever known, it was just home. Plus he found much light hurt his eyes and the sun burned his incredibly pale skin. He noticed that look Ethan gave. "They will not harm you unless you present a threat to me. You do not intend to harm me do you?"