Upon Vestia: Chapter TWENTY

First topic message reminder :

Heny stood there and listened as the two spoke, her heart beat rising. She had visited him a couple of times but found it too painful with eveything going on.

Asher smiled. "Well that's a good excuse to stay away." He knew Web had seen all sorts of stuff waaay less pleasant than someone giving birth, but he wasn't going to acknowledge that right now, nope.

~~
"Okay, admirers was the wrong word, since they all want to fix you," James agreed. "Still, they want you. A lot of them do. I guess you look like prime fixer-upper material, with you issues and the whole 'can't be touched thing'." He wrinkled his nose. It was kind of weird and squicky.

"That's stupid James." Esk sighed. "Do you really think they're all THAT moronic? I mean they're all pretty fucking stupid, but that stupid?" He shook his head. "Sorry James but I don't think you're really that reliable in your judgement here. You said yourself you didn't understand organics and given your track record... " He tossed his book down onto the table again. "So exactly how awkward are things with you and the captain? Because if we're gonna have to suffer you sneaking around and avoiding him for the next few months i'm gonna lose it."

---

Web nodded. "i'll save my visiting till after all the screaming and bleeding is over and done with I think."

James winced. Yeah, okay, so he wasn't the most reliable reader of people. He could admit that. Reluctantly. "Okay, maybe I'm kinda cynical today," he admitted, "Things have been weird and now I'm jaded, okay?" He sighed, "Things are pretty awkward right now. I think Luka was gonna talk to Acus about seeing a shrink again, no idea if she'll have luck with that. Depending what Acus does, you could be looking at lots of tiptoeing, or maybe I'll just get a nice cushy room on Vestia so I can avoid him easier."

~~
"Definitely the best option." Asher paused, and asked, "Web, I have a question. You lead people. You try to bring change to them, even though you're opposed by an older, more powerful force that can't be easily shaken. How do you decide how strongly you should oppose the Elders, how do you decide what compromises, even losses, are acceptable? I've heard you have prophetic powers, but even so, I imagine you have to do a lot of the deciding without much guidance from anyone."

Esk watched James quietly for a moment. "I'd argue the captain should be professional and mature enough to get over it but I know the captain, he's an unstable wreck." Also, he clearly had no professionalism falling for someone he had such authority over, squick. "Still, avoiding him won't change anything. At some point we'll leave this place and be crammed into this ship together again. it'll become impossible to avoid Acus. " He sighed. "I don't think he wants help and forcing the issue will only make him angrier. You can't help people who don't want to be helped, but James? No matter what stupid crap the captain pulls, You can't take responsibility for the actions of other people. They have free will and unfortunately that means they do really fucking dumb shit sometimes. I don't think dragging him to a shrink will change his attitude." of course, Esk had never had much confidence in therapists, he didn't like talking about his problems. "Still, he's a grown ass man, he should be able to handle rejection." He snorted, I mean come on, how pathetic would that be? My robot doesn't love me? boo fucking hoo. Sheesh. "You're not THAT special James."

---

Web hesitated, looking thoughtful. "It's difficult." He admitted. "Picking your battles is a real challenge, but I learned early on you simply cannot save everyone. There comes a point where you have to count your losses and accept defeat, compromise, or... try to be more sneaky." He smiled softly. "The Elders make things difficult but they're necessary to temper the whims of Fate. While Fate may have the interests of the people at heart, she thinks in terms that are so alien and so broad. She doesn't comprehend of the individual, even i'm only a tool for her of no more value than a playing piece in a game, to be sacrificed at the right time for strategic gain. The Elders are much more short sighted, they care mostly about themselves and their continued existence and thankfully usually that involves the continued health and wellbeing of the people as well. But the biggest thing i've learned over the years? Individuals don't matter. And it's hard because you have to detach and view things objectively, focus on the needs of the many and the greater good, when really all you want to do is help everyone. But that's not realistic and it's just not doable. There will always be loss, there will always be sacrifices, it's my job to make sure those losses are acceptable and that it balances out in the end. It's something my father could never do, he wanted to save everyone, so does Matt, but real life isn't so easy and people are extremely complicated and difficult to predict, even harder to control. " he shook his head. "Almost all of my job involves guess work and my best possible judgement, even the visions Fate sends me are obtuse and difficult to unravel. You go into something like this with the best possible intentions, but the reality is that it's hard, it's thankless and you'll be blamed for things you have no control over. The only way I stay sane is by telling myself it'll all be worth it in the end. One day, I know my people will be safe, at least some of them, but it'll be a long and treacherous road and we'll lose a lot in the process. I only hope it'll be worth it in the end." He looked at Asher soberly. "Ethan told me about your ambition, to free you people? It's a noble goal, but you need to steel yourself, it's very easy to lose sight of what you're trying to achieve. You may find you're tempted to detatch, to focus only on that end goal, but believe me, maintaining your.. for want of a better term, humanity, is important. When you fully detatch acceptable losses pile up, people become like game pieces, where all that matters is winning, no matter how much you lose getting there. People aren't pieces to be moved around a board, you can't save everyone, but you can still mourn their loss."

James shook his head. "This is Acus, man. I could be the least special thing in the world, and my rejection would still be awful for him because he has depression and self esteem issues and he feels worthless a lot." He looked glum. "He's the captain and he's an adult, but I worry about him so much. I want to do what's right for him. He's going to keep acting semi-normal right up until the moment he snaps and does something bad, and I don't know how to prevent that, but I want to try." James might not have the Three Laws any more, but he was still pretty loyal to the captain anyway. Maybe it had to do with having a decent person in his owner file for once. "I can't go ahead and try a relationship with him, I just can't do that to myself. But I still want to help him however I can."

Esk shook his head. "Sometimes all you can do is clean up the mess afterwards." He sounded like that was a personal experience, he looked away, expression blanking again. "I don't know how to help him. If he won't help himself there's not a lot any of us can do. You can't spend your life trying to make someone else happy, don't you dare let him guilt you into that." He looked stern. "He'll drag you down with him if you let him." Hell, he'd probably take them all down. "The brutal fact is the captain isn't fit to lead, and once we leave this place we'll be treading on eggshells trying to avoid setting him off, which is no way to live. Even if he doesn't decide to just off himself, he could very easily channel that self destructiveness into our jobs, and get us ALL killed in the process. His judgement is seriously impaired and unless he pulls himself out of it, he's a danger to himself and everyone else. All you can do is try to convince him there's something worth living for, but that doesn't mean we should let him do whatever he wants. It certainly doesn't mean he should be able to manipulate you into this level of guilt. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. Pay too much attention to him and he'll think he's a burden and everyone's coddling him, ignore him and he'll think nobody cares. " He threw his hands up. "It's fucking exhausting. You might have time for that bullshit, but I don't and the moment he starts endangering us all with his crap? I'll put him out of commission myself."

"That sounds like an incredibly difficult task you have ahead of you," Asher said quietly. "Honestly, I'm a bit awed that you've been able to handle it for as long as you have already, and that you're planning to keep doing it for the rest of your life." He could barely comprehend that, it must be so thankless and exhausting. Maybe he didn't want to comprehend it fully.

"I've always been good at detaching. Too good, really. I've hurt people, not just enemies in battle, but people I care about." Kay's disbelieving, terrified look as he raised the gun to aim at him flashed through his memory yet again, a permanent reminder that no matter how nice Asher might act, there was something so, so wrong with him, and he had no idea when it would show itself next. He shook his head, trying to push the memory of Kay away before he started wallowing in guilt. He couldn't let himself do that, it wasn't going to make anything better. "I've been thinking this plan over for months now. I've talked to a few people about it, and they think it sounds like the most reasonable option. It's most likely going to result in a lot of innocent lives being lost, but it's also most likely going to result in the Terrans changing their minds and maybe finally trying to help us. The Terrans aren't evil and they aren't selfish, well most of the time they aren't, and I think they'll be able to be brought around. They can see how the androids have been subjugated and bullied, they know how furious they would be if Terrans, or any other sapient species were treated the way androids are. Unless they're completely willfully blind, they'll change their minds and help us, hopefully before too many androids are killed.

"I never wanted to lead anything, especially not an equality movement," Asher said, smiling weakly, "But I was lucky enough to be put in a position where I could make a difference, and I have the determination to try. I don't know what seeing my people torn apart by anti-robot gangs will do to me, and I don't know how many will forgive me for doing this, but they can't be slaves forever." He looked at Web uncertainly, "I don't know what it's going to do to me if I do this. You've made it this far, you've lead a group of people who live in an awful situation, but I don't know if I can." He shook his head. "I have to, nobody else will, but I sincerely doubt I'll make it through nearly as well as you have."

James looked nervously at Esk. Did the guy just threaten to kill the captain? Geez. Still, Esk had a point, as usual. "Yeah... no... I don't know, man. I hate seeing him this way, and I mean I am sort of responsible." He sooo should never have had sex with Acus, ugh. That had been so stupid of him. Not that he really could have refused anyway... double ugh. "Maybe we should all just permanently join Vestia," he frowned, "No, that'd just make him feel abandoneed, wouldn't it. This is so dang messy."

Web listened quietly, nodding. "Asher... You aren't going to do this alone. You have your family around you, your friends and loved ones, they'll support you." he shook his head. "Honestly I dont' think i'd have made it this long without my scribes, They keep me sane, but they also keep me grounded. " He bowed his head. "I can't say whether you'll succeed or not, but certainly it means a lot to you. Just be careful and remember, you can't force people to do things and there will always be those who refuse to budge. The best you can hope is that you can convince the majority, and that the cost is worth it in the end. " The idea of people being torn apart was... horrific. He didn't envy Asher this.
Not at all.

---

"Yep." Esk agreed. "Angst, it's fucking annoying."

Asher smiled a small, but grateful smile. "You're right. I'm not alone, even if sometimes I start thinking that way. Not being alone is going to help a lot, I think." He nodded, "For all that I'd love to believe I can change everyone in a day, I know I can't. People are used to androids being objects, not living beings, and they'll be very reluctant for that to change. I think the majority in the Terran Empire can be convinced, or at least enough important people that the laws can be changed, but it could take quite a while. I just hope they'll do enough, before it's too late."

~~
James snickered. "We're lucky to have you here, Esk. You always have so much wisdom to share."

Esk snorted. "By the way, I haven't seen Acus all morning. I'm not sure he's even here."

---

Web nodded. "Anything worth fighting for is hard, but my brothers seem to believe in you. I trust their judgement."

"Oh." James blinked. "Maybe he went to see the shrink. That'd be nice. I mean yesterday he did refuse a beer, so he isn't 100% self destructive."

~~
Asher smiled softly. More than one of Web's brothers believed in him. Well that was a good sign. "I haven't been free all that long, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that even though it's stressful and terrifying stuff that makes no sense half the time, everyone deserves the opportunity to try freedom for themselves." Having seen how happy James was to be free, and how Ethan was stubbornly trying to become a better person and come to terms with his new life, he felt quite sure that it was right to give everyone that chance.

"Or he went to throw himself off a high building." Esk shrugged, he didn't seem overly concerned.

---

Web nodded. "Freedom is a wonderful and terrifying thing."

James glared. "Esk!"

~~
"It really is," Asher agreed. "Thank you, Web. I'm glad to have heard your advice."

Esk shrugged slowly. "Hey look, if he wants to off himself, who are we to stop him? As long as he doesn't make a mess, what do I care?" He smirked. "Okay, if he dies I don't get paid. So let's try to keep him alive for now yeah?"

---

Web bowed his head. "I hope that it's some help at least. I won't claim to be an expert on any of this. "

James spluttered, then nodded. "Yes. Acus stays alive, and you don't get to be excessively dickish about his mental health. Got it?"

~~
Asher chuckled. "I doubt anyone can really claim to be an expert at leading people. And that's okay, sometimes talking to someone who isn't an expert, but can at least relate to your worries, is pretty good too."

Esk rolled his eyes. "Fine." He shot James a wierd look. "You're weirdly attached to that asshole."

---

Web nodded. "Good luck. "

"Well he was, you know, not a jerk to me, so I don't wanna be a jerk to him either," James said defensively. Yeah, Acus had hooked up with a guy who was his property, but that didn't count as being a jerk. Or at least James wasn't counting it right now.

~~
"Thank you," Asher replied.

Esk shrugged. "Fair enough." If he actually balanced things out, yeah Acus had kicked the crap out of him after he collected Dawn, and threatened him and generally been an asshole, but he'd also offered him a job... so hmm.
"but don't expect me to mince my words if he starts acting like an idiot alright? It's my job to keep this crew safe, which includes the captain, but i'm not going to talk him off a ledge if that's what he really wants to do. I will tell him it's fucking stupid though. I mean,shitty though this universe is, i've always found continuing to exist to be far more interesting than being dead. "

---

Web smiled softly. "Looks like perhaps you're lucky and nobody's hung over, or at least too hung over to walk all the way here." He chuckled.

James nodded. "I guess that's just the way you are. Keep being your charming self, Esk, it suits you. Even if it does also drive me crazy." He sighed, "I should find Luka and ask her if she talked to the Captain yet, I guess."

~~
Asher smiled. "It's hard to tell with this crew. I appreciate not having to dose hung over people on painkillers though, that can get tiring fast."

Esk snickered, yeah, he liked driving people crazy. "if I ever start being too nice, I want you to punch me, got it?"

---

"I imagine so." Web agreed. "You write a lot of signs don't you?" He smiled, they were fairly amusing. he recognized Kay's handwriting but not the others.

James snickered and saluted. "Roger that." He headed toward the door.

~~
"We got in the habit of writing sarcastic signs after people kept getting injured or hung over and we started getting sick of it," Asher said. "The two other medics, Dawn and James, decided to write some signs too. We sometimes let their signs stay up if they're especially funny."

Web chuckled. "Sounds like you have far too much free time." He teased. He wandered over to read a few of them. "kay used to leave signs on his things all the time growing up, mostly don't touch this, this is mine, hands off Matt... that kind of thing. Matt used to steal his comics and it drove him nuts. " He smiled. "then again, Matt will take anything that's not nailed down." He did something similar, just picking things up and not putting them down again, but unlike Matt that usually was just pieces of paper, bottle caps and pens. "Sign or no."

"I suppose the signs were worth a try," Asher said. He laughed, "The ones here don't seem to work well either, but they're cathartic to write at least."

Web nodded. "I don't think i've met James yet, but Dawn seems nice. It's rather reassuring to see all of my brothers have met someone."

---

Esk remained where he was, feet on the table, mostly because he wasn't sure he could actually get out of this position without hurting himself again... oops?
Well whatever, he'd just pretend he was supposed to be here.

"James is my other brother, he's a bit silly but we love him very much," Asher said. He smiled at Web's comment about Dawn, "I don't think they're together, but they do seem to like each other. Dawn's a very nice person, very levelheaded too."

~~
James went off to look for Luka.

"Really?" Web frowned a little. Huh, misread that relationship. He shrugged. "She seemed nice, and very level headed yes. Sensible. " He thought back to the hospital, and the emotional reads he'd got off his brother. No, he was fairly sure Stellan liked her, though that guy was always a bit tricky to read. "I'm sure i'll meet James soon enough."

---

Luka hadn't managed to find Acus, he'd gone for a 'walk' apparently. She assumed that meant he was just clearing his head, maybe he'd find some other avians to talk to or something.

So she was currently practicing her shooting at the shooting range.