Upon Vestia: Chapter Thirty-Seven

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"You mentioned the possibility of using a spell to look into someone's mind. Is that part of your plan to try to communicate with Fate?" Vestia asked Jarral. She wanted to learn as much as she could here. After all, it was her job to protect her crew as well as she could.

~~
"You can paint the light switches in your room if you want," Vestia told Vela. "I trust you not to break anything."

Ellie giggled.

Matt nodded "yeah they can be. Slippery little buggers. And they bite." He laughed, glad to have steered the conversation onto something less stressful.

Lana was still making faces.

---

Jess nodded curtly. "Very well." And knocked on the door.

----

Armin chatted to Luna as he went, asking her about her day and what it was like to meet her siblings. He didn't entirely expect her to reply to be fair. He was just filling the silence.

He collected a small bag from his room and returned to Starr and the others.

"Did you set traps to catch them?" Zara asked. Hunting for food wasn't something she'd ever done, nope. "Or was it more of a waiting and pouncing thing?"

~~
Asher waited with Starr and Danika, probably chatting with them about things until everyone arrived. It was nice to spend time with them.

"Wait, pounce." Matt chuckled. "I was pretty good at it actually. Kay, not so much."

"He ate rats too?!" Lana asked. "ewwwww"

Matt laughed "Nah, he decided he'd rather go hungry. He's stubborn like that. Thankfully then we bumped into this crew and didn't have to resort to rats anymore."

Esk opened the door, eyes narrowing at the woman standing before him.

“Finally come to check up on me huh?”

Jess shook her head. “Visiting, not checking up.”

Esk snorted. “And if I close this door in your face?”

“i'll just keep knocking.” Jess replied.

Esk sighed. “yeah, figured as such.” He moved aside and went to take a seat. “Fine, let's get this over with then.”

Jess tentatively came into the room, looking around curiously. “Well this is nice.”

Esk just watched her silently, eyes slightly narrowed.

Jess sat down opposite and forced a weak smile. “It's good to see you.”

Esk looked skeptical.

“It IS. I'm glad you're alright, that you're all together. “ She sighed. “I mean I can't say I approve entirely of your company but at least you're all together and you're safe... for the most part.” She frowned a little. “Matt said you'd gotten hurt...”

“I get hurt a lot.” Esk replied cooly. “It's fine.”

Jess's frown deepened. “Stellan....”

Esk glowered. “Esk.”

Jess nodded. “Esk.. yes.... I forget.” She shook her head. “Are you really alright?”

“I'm fine.” Esk told her coldly.

Jess lowered her head. “Alright. I won't fret over you like a nanny goat then.” She forced another smile. “It IS good to see you thought.”

“You already said that.”

Jess sighed in exasperation. “Do you HAVE to be so difficult?”

“No. I don't HAVE to.” Esk replied, the faintest smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

“You're still mad? It's been twelve years! “

“For you.”

“Two for you. You're really still going to hold a grudge after so long?”

“i'm not holding a grudge.”

“Stellan...”

“Esk.”

Jess rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Alright... alright. Let's talk about this. Let's.. bury the hatchet. I don't want to be fighting with you.”

“We aren't fighting.” Esk pointed out. “And i'm not angry.”

Jess stared at him incredulously. “Then what is all this cold hostility about?”

“Just because i'm not angry doesn't mean it's okay Jess.”

“What was I supposed to do? You killed two horses!”

Esk exhaled deeply and looked away. “I didn't mean to.”

Jess' tone softened. “I know... “

“Do you though?” Esk looked back to her. “You never even gave me a chance to explain. You wouldn't speak to me.” He laughed bitterly. “You couldn't even look at me when they took me away.”

“I was frightened. Do you have any idea how terrifying your power IS? “

“Of course I do!” Esk snapped back. He held up his hands. “Why the fuck do you think I wear gloves, why do you think I stay away from people? I KNOW i'm a monster okay? But... “ He trailed off.

Jess frowned. “but what?”

“You were the only one who treated me like a person...”

Jess looked away. “Stellan....”

“ESK, my name is ESK.” He snapped.

Jess recoiled at that outburst.

“You can't even give me the respect of remembering my fucking name.” Esk shook his head.

“I'm sorry...” Jess replied meekly.

Silence descended, awkward tense silence.

Finally Jess broke it. “What happened that night? Why were you even near the barn?”

“It's where the bikes were kept.” Esk replied dully, staring at a spot on the floor.

“The bikes? What?”

Esk sighed. “I heard you, every damn night. You and Heinrich, fighting. Arguing about letting me stay. I figured i'd already fucked up your life enough by that point, I wasn't going to add destroying your marriage to the list. So I decided to leave. I couldn't get to the nearest spaceport on foot, I only had enough for a one way ticket off world but I figured you wouldn't miss one bike, i'd send money to cover it when I had credits or something. I didn't count on the horses freaking out when I walked past them.”

Jess stared at him, silent.

Esk glanced up, glaring. He didn't like the attention. “Shit hit the fan, they kicked their stalls open and they tried to run but I was in the way. One of them panicked, it fell badly, broke something. The other one trampled it in an attempt to escape. It threw me into a wall, hurt itself trying to get past me, broke my arm and god knows what else. “ He rubbed his left shoulder at the memory, still not looking at his sister. “Instinct kicked in... “

“you grabbed it.”

Esk nodded, squeezing his eyes shut. It wasn't a pleasant memory. “If it hadn't been so hurt it probably could have thrown me off. But that's when Heinrich turned up with his brother and waved a gun in my face.”

Jess lowered her head, she wasn't sure how to respond to that. At length she choked out the words “I'm sorry.”

“Are you?” Esk stared at her.

“They had no way to know what you were really doing, but... I should have asked.” Jess sighed. “I just... “

“You were scared. You said.”

“It brought back awful memories.” Jess admitted.

“That seems to be about all our family has.” Esk mused.

Jess frowned. “That's not true. There were good times.”

Esk looked away. Maybe for them there was, but not for him.

Jess fell silent, perhaps sensing that this was a sore spot she shouldn't press on.
Minutes passed in awful awkward silence till she spoke again. “You didn't ruin my life.”

Esk looked back at her. “what?”

“earlier, you said you'd ruined my life enough.”

“Yeah. I did.”

Jess shook her head. “No. My life was already screwed up. My Father saw to that.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. She shook her head to clear her thoughts. “you were a child.”

“Who you ended up having to mother.” Esk averted his gaze.

Jess sighed. “Your mother was... a flawed person. You know that as well as I do. I won't say she was a bad person, but she had her weaknesses. I never resented you for it. I took care of all of you, until it... “ She hesitated. “Until it became clear that remaining was no longer safe for me. Olin couldn't protect me from her visitors. “ her expression softened. “Leaving you all was so hard. But I knew if I stayed I was as good as dead. I needed to get out. If I could have taken you all with me I would have.”

Esk stared at Jess, seeing her in a new light for the first time. All these years he'd assumed he understood her. Turned out it was another blind spot, someone he was too emotionally invested in to read as accurately, someone with whom he had too much pain tied up with.
“you left because of him... not because I killed him.”

Jess stared back. “of course I did. St... Esk.. you saved me! And you made me realize how bad the situation really was.”

“And you still left us there.”

“Kay, the twins, they had one another, they could look out for each-other and you? “ Jess smiled sadly. “You were so mature for your age. When I think back, I so often forget how young you really were. You could take care of yourself. Nobody could touch you. I knew you'd be safe... at least from people like HIM.” She shook her head. “it was selfish. But I couldn't stay there. I couldn't. “

Esk nodded. “I know.” He understood. Unlike his brothers he hadn't clouded his memories with a haze of nostalgia and denial. It still hurt though.

“I honestly hoped that once you joined the military you'd find your place. For a while it seemed you had.” Jess continued.

“Sorry to disappoint.” Esk replied flatly.

Jess shook her head. “I just... I wish you'd been able to keep your temper.”

Esk glowered.

“You had such potential. “ She laughed bitterly. “By all accounts, you were a damn good soldier and an asset to the Imperium. I hated seeing you throw that all away over something so petty.”

“It wasn't petty.” Esk snapped.

“yes, it WAS.” Jess replied cooly. “People will always question you, pile shit on you for the way you look, for your heritage. You rise above it, you prove yourself with your actions.”

“I don't regret it.” Esk told her, his tone warning.

“No, I don't suppose you do. “ Jess clicked her tongue. “Is bounty hunting really that much better?”

“I'm not a bounty hunter, not anymore.”

“right, because you're here now on this... cruise ship that isn't a cruise ship.” Jess looked around warily. “What DO you do then Esk?”

Esk shrugged “security.”

“Still a soldier, you just found a different army.”

“Yeah. One that doesn't pile shit on me for simply existing. People who make it feel worthwhile fighting.”

Jess nodded, her expression difficult to read. “I'm glad you found somewhere you feel you belong at least.” She managed, her tone tense.

“yeah...” Esk agreed noncommittally. He felt too exposed, like he'd shared too much of himself. He folded his arms across his chest defensively.

“For what it's worth... I don't want us to be like this.” Jess told him.

“like what?”

“This. Tense, fighting, angry with one another. Can we put the past behind us and move on?”

Esk considered that. “No.” He spoke flatly.

“no?” Jess raised an eyebrow.

“No. I won't wallow in denial like the rest of you. You don't get to just wave a hand and make the past disappear. No matter how much you want to.”

“I'm not asking you to forget, i'm asking you to put it behind you.” Jess replied.

“like you have with your father?” Esk asked coldly.

Jess froze, eyes narrowing. “That's a low blow.”

Esk continued. “You won't forgive him, you won't even try. And you're willing to drive a wedge between yourself and your own brother in the process. Both of you, just won't let it go. So why should I? Because it's convenient to you? No Jess, I won't. The best thing we ever did for one another was get out of each other's lives, don't try to drag me back in.”

Jess closed her eyes sadly and nodded. “I'm sorry you feel that way.” She was trying to keep her voice level but Esk had hit a nerve, exactly as he'd intended to.

“Go back to your life Jess.” Esk felt a tinge of guilt at the way his sister's voice quavered. His tone softened ever so slightly. “You earned your freedom, go and enjoy it. We aren't your responsibility anymore.”

Jess looked pained. She wanted a relationship with her brothers, they were her family, but they were all such different people and with such different ideals and so much shared pain, it was hard to see eye to eye.
“Get well s... Esk... please.”
She rose from her seat. “I'll let you rest.”

Esk didn't reply.

Jess waited, then realising he'd said all he was going to say she nodded. “Alright... take care little brother. Keep safe.” She left him to his thoughts.

Starr chatted with Asher and Danika lightly as they waited for Armin to return with Luna and the gifts. Kerr and Vela arrived soon after Armin returned.

~~~
Nova moved away from the door, finding a wall to hold up and pulling out her tablet to play games while she waited.

"Catching rats that way sounds hard," Zara said, looking impressed. "It's nice that you don't need to rely on... alternate food sources any more though, and I'm sure the food here tastes much better."

Matt shrugged. "probably. I mean I don't have much sense of taste so... The others seem to think it's okay though." He thought of Ellie and her sugary cereals and smiled.

---

Armin bowed his head as he returned and handed the bag to Starr to open. It contained several beautiful silk dragon plushies, each different and unique and each made with remnants of some of the most stunning fabrics. They glittered and shimmered in the light.

"Ah, flavor isn't so important then," Zara said. She smiled a little. "So what's one of your favorite things about being here? Either of you, I mean."

Starr opened the bag, smiling at the revealed items. She then looked to her kids and held out the bag so they could pick one out.

The kids had a hard time choosing, oohing and ahhing over each before taking one that fit their personalities the best. Each of them thanked Armin for the gifts he had made them

Lana shrugged when the question was asked, swinging her feet from her seat. "The ranch is cool." She sounded a little non comittal though. This was all very very new.

Matt nodded "yeah, it is." He smiled softly at his daughter and looked away. he felt bad for the kid. And regretful that he couldnt' have been here a lot earlier. Damn.
"Me? I dunno. It's gonna sound sappy but, the fact my brothers are here with me is a big one."

"Except Uncle Web.." Lana reminded him.

"yeah, but he's got his whole... thing going on." Matt glanced back toward the door. "I hope he's okay... I really do NOT want his job." He tried to make light of his worry with a joke.

---

Armin bowed his head low, delighted. "I am glad you like them. "

Asher smiled softly, watching the kids admire Armin's creations. "You really do have a talent for this," he told Armin.

~~
Zara wasn't sure she'd heard right. "You didn't say 'ranch', did you?" she asked. That seemed pretty unlikely, even on a ship this big.
"It's sweet that you get to have so much of your family here," she added, nodding to Matt. She looked curious, "What does Web do?"

The kids were smiling and happy, looking at their new plushies. Luna's was about the same size as she was, which was something she liked about it.

"They really are lovely, thank you Armin" Starr said after the kids settled down a little.

"Thank you my friend." Armin told Asher. "You flatter me." He watched the children happily, glad to see them enjoying their gifts.

---

Matt broke into a smirk at Zara. "You didn't see the ranch?" He clapped his hands "Oh you have GOTTA see the ranch! " He hesitated when she mentioned Web, glancing back at the door and his expression turning serious. "Er... it's hard to explain..."

"No it isn't. He said he's both political and spiritual leader" Lana nodded, remembering asking Web this once. "like a king and a priest all at once."

Matt wrinkled his nose. "I guess that... kinda does describe it yeah... " He conceeded. "but he's not royalty, it's more like... god appointed leader?" Damn, that didn't sound any less fancy. Fuck.

"That totally sounds like a king. The history books said kings said they were god appointed...ed?." Lana pointed out.

Matt made a face. Damn education.
People got wierd when you told them your brother was a king.

Asher smiled at Armin. He still wasn't quite sure how to feel about the fact that Armin and Starr were dating, but even so, he did think that Armin was good for Starr, and would make a great dad to the kids if this relationship ended up working.
He looked at Luna and had to hold back his amusement, it was adorable how big the plush dragon was compared to her, oh dear.


~~
Normally the news that there was a ranch on a ship would have been the most interesting thing, but right now there was an even more implausible topic at hand.
"A god-chosen king." Zara looked kinda skeptical. Hey, a lot of people who said they were god-chosen were actually just power hungry. Maybe Web was one of them. "So he doesn't just do strange summoning magic, he also rules people. Not in the Imperium though, right?"

Matt made a face "no no, the summoning magic thing is new. And definitely something that needs a damn explanation." His eyes narrowed slightly for a moment and then he shook his head and waved a hand dismissively. "We're not full blooded Satare" Obviously. "Our dad was... well they call themselves the Kevali. It literally means Of Vali apparently. He was one of our ancestors. Er.. lead the people underground centuries ago to escape a cataclysm under the guidance of Fate and ended up speaking for her." He frowned, trying to remember. Honestly Kevali mythology wasn't his strong point. "it's a pretty crappy job. I dunno how he does it without going nuts frankly. "

"He always looks tired." Lana offered.

Matt nodded. "yeah, he does. " He sighed. "Being leader of a dying race can't be easy." He looked grim, then he once more shook his head and changed the subject "Wanna go see the ranch?"

"Your brother sounds like he has an awful job," Zara said. She frowned a little, "I'm sorry, I don't think I understood all of what you just said though. I might ask you more some other time, I realize now probably isn't a great time to discuss this topic." The unfamiliar names and history, and her listening fatigue from the day, weren't a great combination.
She looked uncertain at his last question, "You don't want to stay here to wait?"

Matt looked back at the door. "Vestia said they were stable. Being here isn't gonna make much difference right?" he reasoned, but he sighed. "and honestly? I could do with the distraction."

"They'll be okay." Lana assured him with the optimism only children seemed capable of.

Zara nodded and stood. "All right, that makes sense. Let's go see this place."
She smiled at Lana, it was always nice to see someone who had some optimism.

Matt struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on his crutch. "Right, to the ranch!"
He glanced to Lana "Want to come?"

Lana shrugged. "I already saw it." She told him. "maybe i'll go find Uncle Asher or Auntie Nova."

Matt nodded, that sounded like a good idea to him. Poor kid was probably kinda overwhelmed from meeting all these new people right?
"Okay, tell them I say hi yeah?"

Lana nodded and smiled to zara. "It was nice meeting you." She told her politely and headed off to go find familiar faces.

Matt watched her go, then turned his attention back to Zara.

"Nice meeting you too," Zara told Lana with another smile.
She looked at Matt again after Lana headed off, a little hesitant. To her, Matt looked pretty tired. "Lead the way, I guess?"

Matt nodded and led the way, albeit at a rather painfully slow pace that annoyed him.
To distract himself, he chattered away. "So, what sort of things do you do for fun?" He asked as he hobbled.

---

Meanwhile Jess was escorted back to the waiting room presumably, where everyone else had already left. Bah.

---

Zara went along with Matt, keeping her pace slow to match his, and watching his face. "For fun?" she smiled at the question. "My main one is painting, although with all the traveling I do, it's pretty much all digital painting now. I love studying how lights and colors work, and putting them together in new ways. How about you, what do you like to do?"

Matt smiled. "You're an artist? That's awesome." He chuckled. "I was never much good at art. I'm colourblind for a start." He chuckled, trying to shed his anxiety and be his usual cheerful sociable self. The distraction helped. He considered the question. "Well uh.. I swim... I play games, there's a really good arcade... Oh! and I play piano. "

"There's somewhere to swim here, an arcade here too? I'm starting to wonder if there's anything this ship doesn't have," Zara said, amused.
"I can imagine how being colorblind would make visual arts harder. I never played music for a similar reason; I like listening to it sometimes, but I have trouble telling the sounds apart. What sort of music do you play?" she asked.

Matt nodded "yeah, She was a cruise ship... or... wanted to be one? I'm not actually totally sure." Huh, he'd never actually asked Vestia how she ended up in this situation. It had never occured to him to do so.
"There's a lot to do." He chuckled at the question. "A bit of this and a bit of that. What do you paint?"

"I suppose she can't have ended up so cruise ship-like by accident," Zara said, grinning at how ridiculously well-equipped Vestia was. "It must make deep space travel a lot more interesting for you guys, having so many things available right here."
"I mostly paint things I see while traveling," she said, "It helps me to fix all the memories in my mind, so I don't forget where I've been. And I just like an excuse to study how light works." She laughed, she was aware that some people found her fascination with light a little odd.

Matt grinned back. "Yeah she certainly is more comfortable than any other ship i've been on." He looked up at the nearest camera. "We love you Vestia." He grinned at her too.
"My youngest brother's an artist, pencil sketches I think. he never lets me look." He made a face. "So for all I know he's drawing something rude." He laughed at the idea.